I have these thoughts about you that no one knows about.
How I wish you held me to sleep
And kissed me passionately on the mouth, on the neck.
I feel you wrapped round my waist
Like a snake as my vertebrae bend
To fit together perfectly and we spend
This time in intimacy.
Feeling me and me feeling you, so naturally.
I close my eyes and I feel your fingers on my spine; my hairs stand up.
I get lost in time, I find myself
In dreamland, in paradise
Then I wake up, paralysed as I realise
It’s all in my mind.
But I still grind my teeth in excitement,
Inviting delight into my imagination
With no satisfaction in my reality
Because only in these hallucinations
Are you here with me.
These thoughts no one hears or sees…
Oh my secrecy.
Every night they creep to me, disturbing my sleep to be
Played over so frequently.
Embarrassingly my daily routine of dispelling my loneliness
And pretending some company.
Because all I need is someone to touch me,
Relieve me of all this pent up energy
And believe me, I remember all those things you did to me
And said to me, all that love you fed to me
But now I’m hungry again.
My belly’s empty, my hearts rumbling
For some filth amongst the camaraderie;
Really just some validity
And I suppose ultimately just someone to be there with me.
Someone to hold my hand, to understand
The map of my skin and to explore every side road
And hidden spot.
Someone to turn my ice cold to boiling hot…
Someone to load me up and shoot my shot.
I want you to remind me
Of all these neglected places I’ve forgot
But to be honest I haven’t forgotten.
As every night my thoughts turn rotten,
And I wonder them restricted lanes.
With my eyes closed I don’t feel shame
And only in the sunlight do I get red faced over my inhibitions.
My reticence of my ambitions
Of merging my body with yours in holy communion;
A reunion of old flames making new fire and burning in the most human of lusts.
A movement only I can trust to keep under my tongue.
Oh, the sweet melodies I replay that you sung
In my ears under hot breath
With our lungs strung to release stress
And impress the suppressed
Desires that I keep quiet.
So tonight I’ll get into bed, exploring you in secret.
I’ll meet once again with the explosives
That with you in my dreams, I am hit with.
I water the roses, and you are my prized flower.
Sour in the morning, but tonight I will
Cull the petals, and reap the harvest.
In harshness of darkness, I embark on
My loves incarnate.
My cheeks turn scarlet, and I embrace all that I’ve harnessed
Over the course of the day with you playing on my everything.
But these are only fantasies founded on memories
That I treated so passively,
And I don’t know how to get you to be
A reality opposed to make believe
But happily I will rest my head and imagine me
In the grasps of your claws
Scratching me red, your paws
And bringing me to ecstasy.
So I’ll keep timid, I’ll keep shy.
I will look at you but behind my eyes
Will be unreadable secrecy…
But if you really want to get to me,
Just run your fingers along my body, pleasing me
And connecting with my frequency
Because I will never say no to you treating me sensuously
And holding me, vehemently
But equally with unbelievably, unspeakably,
Inconceivable purity and…
Because I love you for all and other,
Not just the physical.
This is my miserable desperation of a fixation
I’m under your captivation
But with my emotional constipation and
My quiet declarations of praying
For you to holt your hesitation
In saying you want my amputation
In my little sharing in conversation
I become stagnant in cathartic outpour.
I want to find liberation,
In telling you all my imaginations
But the hardest part would be your rejection
So I reject my own needs.
I heed to spill my feelings
Until I have a drink, and seep into
Sharing far too much…
But I’m satisfied, with these ideas of mine
And one day I promise
These thoughts will be 50/50.
They’ll become a reality
And you’ll be laying in bed, not thinking
But doing all of this with me.
By Lyric Deep.