Often this insecurity gets mistaken for vanity
I got all this clobber to preserve a sliver of sanity
But I try on every top, every sock and every bottom
I still stare at that reflection and feel rotten
Okay, maybe I just need my barnet did and makeup painted
Maybe it was just the pairing that I hated
Or maybe I need to buy something new to feel satiated
But every time I feel like shit, that’s what I do, so my bedroom floor’s getting oversaturated
It’s a leopard print tornado each meltdown
Bright red and bursting from toe tip to head’s crown
I cook myself in a big, hot tube, pump sweat out every pore
Praying as I stand there, naked and jumpy, that you don’t burst through that door
Because you’ve seen me, every inch, before
But I’ve become something else, and I don’t want you to see me, anymore
So please, snap knees over my improvidence
Laugh all you like, and find my glamour pure nonsense
Cos today I don’t have time for the slap, the plaits or the diamantés
And I hope you’re just too busy to ponder my mug or my body
Those times I do actually pull it together
Chuck something on and feel all clever
Hide my broken pride under skin slick with tear’s sheen
Cosmetic, karmic, alarming, layered perfumed creams
Spray and preen, gleam under flickering beams and silenced screams
I look gawjuss, do you know what I mean?
The fluster has cleared and the eyes are crystal
I’m aware, that only there, do I find peace, and it’s abysmal
It feels like the dough spent was worth all the credit
It’ll stack up next month too, if I let it
Will I? Of course I will. I’ll spunk until I can bare that reflection
But I do always end up spending more than expecting
Most days, bare faced, I grovel in my festering
You say everything gets destroyed in this place and I’m testament
But the broken doors will get fixed, the wall craters, too
I ain’t avoiding old tracks with new pairs of shoes
When it’s all you’ve ever known, that shell’s just so inviting
Yet the retract gates my soul, my lips nip out for biting
You poke into me, hoping to see what you first saw
And I think I’ve realised, I don’t need to hide, anymore
Promise you won’t care if it’s big bucks or charity
Promise you won’t judge if it’s clear skin or polarity
Promise you won’t wince if it’s soft or vulgarity
Promise you won’t separate if I beg for solidarity
I know I’ve been difficult recently, it’s all bipolarity
Questioning my worth, my place, my popularity
I need, please, your love with muscularity
And I’ll return it, even at my ugliest, you can quote that with clarity.
By Lyric Deep.
Lyric Deep™ 