You spoke to me like I was human

But I had big eyes and antennas 

Still you took patience

Carving stories like hands under henna

Pausing for my breaths

And then a

Sweet check up to see if I was keeping with

But I wasn’t 

I was fluttering eyelids

And seeing triple

There were ripples in my vision

Dimples in my mission

I tried a smooth ride round the fire

But swayed like a door slammed stopper

Wiggled by the fingers of bored youth

Proper uncouth 

Levitated over to the mattress and poof –

I was twenty bodies 

Merged into one

Proof that when you’re spinning

You become spun

As I went from full house

To none

Other than me 

Trapped between

White walls and gleaming seas

Of dreamy beams

Bright and white and full of


I was on my knees

Then on all fours

Then on my back

Then out the door 

My view was hexagonal

I saw all corners as they twisted

I fissured 

Then became tiny 

Like moustache after mushroom

There weren’t much room 

In the bed but as I shrunk 

It felt like the world was underneath

My legs

My head flittered, filtered

Reality and my eye sight glittered 

As dark spots 

Jellied in front of me

I heard a voice like God try

Keep me in the in-between

But I was seeing reality 

In a way I’d never seen

I held Mama’s hands

Kissed her skin

Told her I loved her

And explained how I was scared

Like I’d never been

Each time I rolled a little more

Into alright

My brain shut down

Ten times harder with a Shiva-like mite

I realised

I’m a drop in the ocean

Just a kick to commotion

Just a whisper to motion

Just an snowflake to frozen

I am so small

I was screaming to tall my way out of the fall

But I spiralled further

Unsure how to call

Out of the pits

As I brawled with the barmaids

Of darkness’s crawling celebrations

My stomach’s inflations

Pumped further out

My bellybutton a spout

And my hips spilling round

Each scan of my arm

Alarmed all about

But I was still making shapes

With more of a drunken two-step

Than a flounce 

I could move, I could wriggle

I could soothe, I could giggle

I could feel, taste and tickle

But my normal abilities were few and far and fickle

Then suddenly the fog

Started to clear

Suddenly I could once again steer

Without TV static eyes

To my surprise 

I left the trip

And when I realised

It was done, I saw

It was sick

It was amazing how my brain

Dreamt up such stuff

In a zone that was untouched

But the terror that accompanied

I knew that would stick

I found my feet

Stepped over to the armchair

Went portrait from landscape

Vertical from Horry 

Had word vomit, as I needed to explain myself

Say thank you and sorry

Told of my dawning

That I was a crumb to life’s loaf

Just a coil in its lorry

Threw up all the sugars

I had to pour into my body

Then drifted into dreamland

Which could never match what awake just presented

Woke up in the morning

Still with my illness

That I go from passive to 

To totally resented

I was knackered, wiped out

My knees bent 

And my brain out-rented

But my mentality 

Once again centred

I’ll dip down a million times again

But I can’t expect such extravagance

In my episodes

It’s just what happens, init 

You go high, you go low

You go middle, you go both

You get tingling lips

Rolling eyes and numb toes

You get lumpy thighs

And ring fingers with good blood flow

You get stuck with it forever 

After you get diagnosed

You get threatened with amputated limbs

And lost eyes…

Sounds fun, dunnit?

Welcome to my life. 

By Lyric Deep.

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