You spoke to me like I was human
But I had big eyes and antennas
Still you took patience
Carving stories like hands under henna
Pausing for my breaths
And then a
Sweet check up to see if I was keeping with
But I wasn’t
I was fluttering eyelids
And seeing triple
There were ripples in my vision
Dimples in my mission
I tried a smooth ride round the fire
But swayed like a door slammed stopper
Wiggled by the fingers of bored youth
Proper uncouth
Levitated over to the mattress and poof –
I was twenty bodies
Merged into one
Proof that when you’re spinning
You become spun
As I went from full house
To none
Other than me
Trapped between
White walls and gleaming seas
Of dreamy beams
Bright and white and full of
Needs
I was on my knees
Then on all fours
Then on my back
Then out the door
My view was hexagonal
I saw all corners as they twisted
I fissured
Then became tiny
Like moustache after mushroom
There weren’t much room
In the bed but as I shrunk
It felt like the world was underneath
My legs
My head flittered, filtered
Reality and my eye sight glittered
As dark spots
Jellied in front of me
I heard a voice like God try
Keep me in the in-between
But I was seeing reality
In a way I’d never seen
I held Mama’s hands
Kissed her skin
Told her I loved her
And explained how I was scared
Like I’d never been
Each time I rolled a little more
Into alright
My brain shut down
Ten times harder with a Shiva-like mite
I realised
I’m a drop in the ocean
Just a kick to commotion
Just a whisper to motion
Just an snowflake to frozen
I am so small
I was screaming to tall my way out of the fall
But I spiralled further
Unsure how to call
Out of the pits
As I brawled with the barmaids
Of darkness’s crawling celebrations
My stomach’s inflations
Pumped further out
My bellybutton a spout
And my hips spilling round
Each scan of my arm
Alarmed all about
But I was still making shapes
With more of a drunken two-step
Than a flounce
I could move, I could wriggle
I could soothe, I could giggle
I could feel, taste and tickle
But my normal abilities were few and far and fickle
Then suddenly the fog
Started to clear
Suddenly I could once again steer
Without TV static eyes
To my surprise
I left the trip
And when I realised
It was done, I saw
It was sick
It was amazing how my brain
Dreamt up such stuff
In a zone that was untouched
But the terror that accompanied
I knew that would stick
I found my feet
Stepped over to the armchair
Went portrait from landscape
Vertical from Horry
Had word vomit, as I needed to explain myself
Say thank you and sorry
Told of my dawning
That I was a crumb to life’s loaf
Just a coil in its lorry
Threw up all the sugars
I had to pour into my body
Then drifted into dreamland
Which could never match what awake just presented
Woke up in the morning
Still with my illness
That I go from passive to
To totally resented
I was knackered, wiped out
My knees bent
And my brain out-rented
But my mentality
Once again centred
I’ll dip down a million times again
But I can’t expect such extravagance
In my episodes
It’s just what happens, init
You go high, you go low
You go middle, you go both
You get tingling lips
Rolling eyes and numb toes
You get lumpy thighs
And ring fingers with good blood flow
You get stuck with it forever
After you get diagnosed
You get threatened with amputated limbs
And lost eyes…
Sounds fun, dunnit?
Welcome to my life.
By Lyric Deep.