My Intimacy, My Secrecy

I have these thoughts about you that no one knows about.

How I wish you held me to sleep

And kissed me passionately on the mouth, on the neck.

I feel you wrapped round my waist

Like a snake as my vertebrae bend

To fit together perfectly and we spend

This time in intimacy.

Feeling me and me feeling you, so naturally. 

I close my eyes and I feel your fingers on my spine; my hairs stand up.

I get lost in time, I find myself 

In dreamland, in paradise 

Then I wake up, paralysed as I realise

It’s all in my mind. 

But I still grind my teeth in excitement,

Inviting delight into my imagination 

With no satisfaction in my reality

Because only in these hallucinations 

Are you here with me. 

These thoughts no one hears or sees…

Oh my secrecy. 

Every night they creep to me, disturbing my sleep to be 

Played over so frequently.

Embarrassingly my daily routine of dispelling my loneliness 

And pretending some company. 

Because all I need is someone to touch me, 

Relieve me of all this pent up energy

And believe me, I remember all those things you did to me

And said to me, all that love you fed to me

But now I’m hungry again. 

My belly’s empty, my hearts rumbling 

For some filth amongst the camaraderie;

Really just some validity 

And I suppose ultimately just someone to be there with me.

Someone to hold my hand, to understand 

The map of my skin and to explore every side road

And hidden spot.

Someone to turn my ice cold to boiling hot… 

Someone to load me up and shoot my shot.

I want you to remind me 

Of all these neglected places I’ve forgot 

But to be honest I haven’t forgotten.

As every night my thoughts turn rotten,

And I wonder them restricted lanes. 

With my eyes closed I don’t feel shame 

And only in the sunlight do I get red faced over my inhibitions.

My reticence of my ambitions

Of merging my body with yours in holy communion;

A reunion of old flames making new fire and burning in the most human of lusts.

A movement only I can trust to keep under my tongue.

Oh, the sweet melodies I replay that you sung

In my ears under hot breath 

With our lungs strung to release stress

And impress the suppressed 

Desires that I keep quiet. 

So tonight I’ll get into bed, exploring you in secret.

I’ll meet once again with the explosives

That with you in my dreams, I am hit with. 

I water the roses, and you are my prized flower. 

Sour in the morning, but tonight I will 

Cull the petals, and reap the harvest. 

In harshness of darkness, I embark on

My loves incarnate. 

My cheeks turn scarlet, and I embrace all that I’ve harnessed

Over the course of the day with you playing on my everything. 

But these are only fantasies founded on memories

That I treated so passively,

Now aggressively.

And I don’t know how to get you to be

A reality opposed to make believe

But happily I will rest my head and imagine me 

In the grasps of your claws

Scratching me red, your paws 

Catching me…

And bringing me to ecstasy. 

So I’ll keep timid, I’ll keep shy.

I will look at you but behind my eyes

Will be unreadable secrecy…

But if you really want to get to me,

Just run your fingers along my body, pleasing me 

And connecting with my frequency 

Of indecency.

Because I will never say no to you treating me sensuously 

And holding me, vehemently 

But equally with unbelievably, unspeakably,

Inconceivable purity and… 




Because I love you for all and other, 

Not just the physical.

This is my miserable desperation of a fixation

Of you;

I’m under your captivation 

But with my emotional constipation and

My quiet declarations of praying 

For you to holt your hesitation

In saying you want my amputation

In my little sharing in conversation 

I become stagnant in cathartic outpour.

I want to find liberation,

In telling you all my imaginations 

But the hardest part would be your rejection 

So I reject my own needs.

I heed to spill my feelings

Until I have a drink, and seep into 

Sharing far too much… 

But I’m satisfied, with these ideas of mine

And one day I promise 

These thoughts will be 50/50. 

They’ll become a reality 

And you’ll be laying in bed, not thinking 

But doing all of this with me.

By Lyric Deep.

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