I’ve Been Dreaming of Life

My exhausted limbs sink into the bed sheets

As I finally meet the peace of sleep

And sneak into my forgotten dreams

I don’t believe reality is just a scheme

To drain me of my energy

But nights like this my body screams

To find release in rest

To escape these thoughts of stress I so greatly detest

I hold it all in my chest

And the less I press to impress my strict mind

The more I find I dress up bad thoughts

In makeup and silk

So they don’t seem so ugly for a bit

And I don’t have to feel them

I block out the evil when the sun’s down

From my toe’s tips to my head’s crown

I drown in this dream state

But my ill mind’s lullabies reverberate

And I’m left desperate to dispel the perpetuate

War zone and incorporate techniques to elevate

And situate a surrogate for my poison

As I shut my eyes, my ears, block the noises

That twist my boiling imagination

Avoiding the annoying, niggling hatreds

That play in the darkest parts of my foundations

Controlling my very creation

My frustration at my fixation of the mutation

And mutilation of thoughts

And my starvation that I tease with temptation

To attempt elation, every time failing

Interrupts my vibrations as I just lead back to aggravation

And the amputation of blatant wellbeing

My communication with the angels of my terror

How my nightmares mirror the demeanour of my evil in reality

But it takes my eyes closed to see

The pity of my anxiety and distress of my depressed place

And face my disgrace of an excuse of placement

In God’s embrace

I trace the scars on my arms with grimace

And replace my ignorance of my brilliance

With unconsciousness because consciousness

Only brings subconscious insecurities

Seeping into my psyche and infesting me

Distressing me and destroying every opportunity

By finding animosity in positivity

Creating unnecessary difficulty in my mind’s clouded eye

Burying negativity that I try so desperately to kill

And my blithe side hides in shadows

What did I do to deserve this merciless, perfectionist mindset

That eats me up like a fat belly on a full dinner plate

Exuberant in anger and hate

That berates my good mind state, pushing it to fate

A dangerous escape through the drink’s drip and the smoke’s inhalation

My own fated damnation with the creation

Of damage and the savage detention

Where I harbour my worst intentions

And imagine terrible situations

A side I avoid for exposition as the attention to my twisted sensations

That my mind plays with to plague me with

And stay with me in my consciousness and cruelly plague

My rest with equal ferociousness

Is dangerous

As a moment of silence never presents itself

So far out of grasp, fingertips grazed with the strain

And pain and shame of clinging to sanity

And my last essences of humanity

Because insanity of the perplexity of my insecurities

Has a history, vast to study

As I’m troubled and unsteady

Unstable and ready to take my final sleep

With my eyes closed I pray to slip

Into the deep reprise of rest’s sweet release to dispel my nasty tendencies

But nature doesn’t disappear with ease

And I’m starting to see that there’s no shame in what my mind believes

Nighttime brings a beauty, a darkness that day can’t compete

But that doesn’t mean I can leave the day’s routine

As living with no life

Is just a dream…

And man I’m dreaming…

I’ve been dreaming my whole life…

But I think I’ve just woken up…

I think I just woke up.

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By Lyric Deep.